senior Scoops

Retirement-It is not what I dreamed

The goodbyes were said to co-workers complete with empty promises to stay in touch. There was a warm conversation with the boss and a few papers to sign. Then, in the middle of the day on a Wednesday, I hung up my work phone for the last time.

After 26 years, it was over– I was retired!

That evening, as many baby boomers will do, I took to Facebook. I created a sappy post about new beginnings, even adding a poem by the great Kurt Vonnegut about contentment — always the pseudo-intellectual poster, you know the type.

While basking in the glow of my new status, the comment section filled up with virtual pats on the back as the “like” button clicked into the night.

Social media can be such an ego massage if you know the ropes. All fool’s gold, of course.

There would be no more time clocks, quotas, or company politics. I had reached the promised land. I had captured the golden goose that most working stiffs dream of.

The Beginning

The first couple of months were just as I dreamed. It was great. There was a freedom of time and choices that I had never experienced. The world was mine, I could do as I wished–as long as I handled the honey-do list.

If I wanted to read all day, so be it. If I chose to play golf three times a week, nothing was stopping me besides the weather. A drive to the beach, why not? Heck, I could even take a nap in the middle of the day, as long as I avoided the skeptical eye of the wife. She wasn’t convinced I had retirement figured out. To me, it was good. I was enjoying myself and deserved it. Don’t you know who I am?

It seemed a never-ending vacation.

The Reckoning

About 4 months after I left the job, an inner voice began to nag. Life was off-center — something wasn’t right. Having a long history of denial, I made every attempt to ignore it. I doubled down; more golf, more beach, more pleasure — more ego! Naturally, the more I tuned out my feelings, the more persistent they became.

Suddenly, all that golf was becoming tiresome. The drive to the beach felt like a hassle. Those leisure activities, so longed for, had become routine. The fun was fading — there had to be more.

The thing about a new beginning at 67 is it could be the last. There won’t be many more opportunities for reinvention. I am not a fatalist, but let’s face it, I am in the fourth quarter of my life. I’m not sick and anticipate some time, but there are no promises.

A realization was dawning. I still want to be productive and contribute. I want more!

A change in course was needed.

Back to basics

Feeding the soul

I began writing a few years ago but let it wane. I created a blog and have published on Medium.

Writing has always been fulfilling, it’s good for my soul. It’s my way of tapping creativity and exposing my underworld.

Writing shows you who I am. Done well, you will relate to my experiences and identify with my mistakes. You may feel my pain, or even take joy in my triumphs.

Any of that is more satisfying than a well-struck 7-iron. Well — almost!

Service

My twelve-step program teaches that gratitude is a by-product of humility and service. The more concerned I am with others, the less I am thinking about myself. It is a philosophy that has served me well, when I use it. Something so vital should never be set aside.

Kids with cancer and the Veteran community are groups near and dear to my heart. There are numerous ways to be helpful to either or both causes. Many helping hands reached out to me along the way, even when it was not deserved. It is incumbent on me to pay that forward. Putting a smile on the face of someone in a tight spot is much better than dropping a 20-foot putt. Much better!

Lessons learned

The ego is always the first to show up in a new situation. It did for me in those first few months. Of course, I ran with it, always a sucker for that shiny new object. Thankfully, over the years, I have gained an understanding of the ego’s game. It tells us what we want to hear and offers a short-term fix, nothing more. Thankfully I was able to recognize that and make a course correction.

No regrets for enjoying those first few months. We all need to blow off life occasionally. Then the time comes to refocus. It feels good to be back on track.

I am blessed to be in the comfortable position I am in today and able to do things that fill me up. I may not have everything I want, but I certainly have everything I need.

I have got to run, I have a tee time.

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This is something I wrote a while back, I did a bit of editing to re-publish here. If you see something you like in the blog please consider sharing it, I am trying to reach as many eyes as possible. Thank you for your continued support.

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