senior Scoops

The web of our life is a mingled yarn, good and ill together~

William Shakespeare

On October 28th, Matthew Perry was found dead in a hot tub at his home in California. He was 54 years old. Early reports say he drowned. The official cause of death has not been announced.

Perry’s struggles with alcohol and prescription drugs have been well documented. He talked about those issues at length in his recent book, he seemed to have gotten those demons under control. I hope so.

Until this writing, there have been no news reports suggesting drugs or alcohol played a role in his death.

But, truth be told, everyone is wondering. Aren’t you? I am!

Fame

I have a bad habit of scrolling through Twitter, oops I mean X, as I have my morning coffee. Bad habit, I know. Regardless, I got a notification this morning that Alyssa Milano had something to say, here it is:

·I’m begging you…can we please let Matthew Perry rest in peace? It doesn’t matter how he died. What matters is how he lived.

Alyssa Milano

I don’t follow Alyssa, yet X feels it is important that I know what she thinks. I guess that is one of the perks of being a big TV star. We all remember her in Who’s the Boss, Charmed, and Melrose Place. Right?

I wonder—would she have 3.4 million followers without that resume? Would X show her the same deference if she was Ainsley from Iowa—an ER nurse at Cedar Rapids General with 2K followers? I think not.

No disrespect to Ainsley, at all!

Fame is a two-sided coin, Alyssa knows that. So, why should we look away from Matthew Perry now? I applaud her for her activism. I even agree with some of her views, but not this one. Sorry, Alyssa It does matter how he died.

Why it is important

If it were just his celebrity that prompted so much curiosity about his death, I would be more sympathetic to the pleas for privacy. It is more than voyeuristic curiosity at play here.

One year ago, on November 1st, 2022, Matthew Perry and Flatiron Books released his memoir, Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing. In it, he very publicly addressed his problems with addiction.

From his book:

My mind is out to kill me, and I know it. I am constantly filled with a lurking loneliness, a yearning, clinging to the notion that something outside of me will fix me. But I had had all that the outside had to offer! —-

Matthew Perry Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing

and this:

…and have you ever stood on the water’s edge and tried to stop the wave? It goes on regardless of what we do, regardless of how hard we try. The ocean reminds us that we are powerless in comparison.

Matthew Perry Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing

and most poignantly:

…addiction wakes up before you do, and it wants you alone. Alcoholism will win every time. As soon as you raise your hand and say, “I’m having a problem,” alcohol sneers, You’re gonna say something about it? Fine, I’ll go away for a while. But I’ll be back. It never goes away for good.

Matthew Perry Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing

In these three excerpts, Matthew tells our story. Any of us who have struggled with this monster can relate to every word. It is evident he wanted us to know what he was up against. So, the question begs. Who are we to leave out the final and most compelling chapter?

Should it be proven that his death was a direct result of his addiction, it will serve as a cautionary reminder to those of us who fight this disease on a daily basis. It will also serve as yet another irrefutable truth to those who continue to deny the futility of active alcoholism. The disease wants us dead—how better to drive that grim fact home?

On the other hand, if we learn that his end came by another means, that drugs and alcohol played no part. That will be a testament to a man who went through hell and came out the other side. That there is hope for others, no matter how far down the scale they have fallen.

Both of these messages are important.

Conclusion

Matthew Perry reached incredible professional heights in his life. He achieved things that many can only dream of. He also lived with a fierce and tenacious monkey on his back. Nobody, but him, will ever understand the pressures of that combination. What we do know is that he fought those demons and he had the courage to tell us about it.

If there is one wish that I have for Matthew, it is this. In those waning minutes, before whatever took him struck, I hope that he had peace. With his head on the edge of the hot tub, that wry Chandler Bing smile on his face, I pray, that he was content with who he was.

Rest in peace, Matthew Perry